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| Dear Friends, I just created a new blog. You know it's hard for me to put myself out there sometimes, so it's not open to the public yet (maybe soon!), but I want the people here to have the address and be able to check it out! Come read it! The address is http://betweenonejune.blogspot.com/. I have loved this little electronic community. Xanga has really been a comforting aspect of our friendship to me, and sometimes I feel like it has kept us together when we have gone for months and months without seeing each other. I think it's right to memorialize that. But we'll move onto lovelier things. [Jamie and Emily, are we having coffee soon or what? Will you guys be here Tuesday night?] | | |
| "Lay your sleeping head, my love, human on my faithless arm." My faithless arm. Today I began preparing for the Writing 101 classes that I'm teaching this fall. I started by reading the textbook I had chosen--Reading Critically and Writing Well--or, at least, reading the Introduction and the section on writing an autobiography. After my recent crisis of decision-making, and the let-down of choosing the practical option (teaching a semester of classes at Winthrop) I began reading (and writing) today to get ready for class, and ... what can I say? Opening the book and reading and writing--it was good. It reminds me of this one time when I was in grad school and I was super stressed out and behind on reading, and I opened my poetry textbook and read Patrick Kavanaugh's "Father Mat"--a poem that is so alive with beauty--and it felt a little like coming into a lush and refreshing oasis. Reading today was like coming into an oasis. Here are some of the things I thought about: I've been doing some background reading for a book club discussion group I'm leading at the learning center where I teach; we're discussing The Giver, by Lois Lowry (and honestly, I enjoy her books tremendously). She's where I got the above quote, which is by W.H.Auden. Lois Lowry writes about how, every time she finishes a novel, she always has a brief moment of fear that the well of inspiration inside of her has dried up and that the last novel has drained her completely (she has written over thirty books). As I was reading the textbook for Writing 101 today, I thought about that quote. The textbook has pretty standard assignments--"analyze this passage," "explore the author's underlying assumptions," "evaluate his argument"--and as I was reading these assignments I felt like I could sense exactly how some of my future students might respond: bewilderment, panic, confusion. At least, that is how I have at times responded to assignments in the past. And I thought about how writers talk about the fear of facing a blank page, and I thought about what Lois Lowry said about her well of stories drying up. And I thought about the fear I sometimes have about writing--that there is nothing left to say, or that I have nothing to contribute, or that it's wasted effort. And it came home to me that, in a way, writing is like faith. We have to get up and walk, and then we will begin to see where we are going. We have to do it in order to do it, because faith requires action. The writing textbook talked about how writing is a unique form of learning--that writing enables you analyze and arrive at insights you would never see just by sitting around and thinking about something. Well, that is just like our faith. We have to get up and go do it in order to see results. And perhaps we all face that fear--fear that writing, like life, will be barren. That the well of inspiration will run dry. That obedience is not worthwhile. But people who have written know that inspiration will meet you on the way--that while it seems like you are falling, at some point your feet will touch solid ground--the high ground--and you will be running. People like Anne Lamott talk about having this experience, and it is something that I (definitely not the best writer) have seen happen in my own writing. I'm going to Atlanta this weekend. And, while I am staying in Rock Hill until December, I'm thinking of moving virtually...as in, I'm considering transferring from Xanga to blogspot. I'm very happy here at xanga, and I love our little community, but I'm not the hugest fan of the page layout, and blogspot is much nicer. But I haven't really decided yet. | | |
| It's fall now, and that's awesome. Everybody says fall is a nostalgic season, and that's certainly true. It's got this sad beauty that's kind of heartwrenching. ...As i started writing this, it makes me think of a verse I read once in Romans...this is it: "For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God." Maybe fall is a time when we can sense that futility more...I don't know, it's like something that's almost there, but not quite. Gosh, time is just flying by me right now, and I really don't know what to do with that. I feel so...what's the word? Deflated. Not in a bad way, necessarily, more like in a peaceful way. That's how I feel when I think about next year and moving and stuff like that. I think I've planned to move away from Rock Hill every year since I've graduated from college, and I haven't done it yet. Something has always come up (or not come up) for me to stay. Anyways, though, I've always had this passion, this intensity, for traveling and moving and living and jobs and everything. And I still DO have that, but it's kind of like it's a little ...subdued or something. And I just feel peaceful and...deflated. Geez, I don't even know. But you know what? I think it's that I'm content with where I am. ....I didn't think of that before. Makes sense. Sometime when I'm in town for the weekend (there are a lot of weddings going on right now, huh?), I'd like to have you guys over for a little housewarming get-together. My house is awesome, by the way. Freakin' awesome. | | |
| Ahhh...it's getting to be that time of year again. The scurry and bustle of class scheduling. Students moving in, unpacking, and settling down in new homes. Book buying, classroom-finding. Bright new pencils and fresh paper. I like back-to-school, and I have to admit, I'm looking forward to classes starting. One of my friends said to me yesterday, when I was talking about how I was looking forward to Modern British poetry, that I was so "wonderfully nerdy." That's kind of a backwards compliment, but it's true. And this is a good thing for a teacher, because, deep down, I think I'll always feel this way, at least somewhat--excited to start the new school year, ready for new faces, new ideas, and new school supplies. It's such a fresh start--I like that about the way school is set up right now. Sure, I haven't actually started teaching yet, so maybe those little whippersnappers will snap the optomism right out of me, but...we'll see. And I'm looking forward to the fall weather kicking in...this heat is...bad. | | |
| Well, a quick fifteen minute break before I drive over and meet a beloved friend for coffee and conversation at her house. At least I hope there will be coffee involved--I think there will. Friends are...well, they are good, and I will just stop there before I start sounding like a hallmark card, but you guys just really are good! Speaking of Beloved, that's really all I can think about right now. Toni Morrison has always intimidated me, not necessarily because maybe her novels are miles and miles profound and intelligent, but because there's this...darkness in them, and it's hard to read. Certain authors have always been that way for me...Faulkner, Robert Penn Warren, and I always thought Toni Morrison would be like that. And she is. So I'm reading Beloved, and it's so good, but I keep waiting for the bad parts, and so I feel like I'm reading and waiting for a piano to fall on my head. I have so many thoughts and feelings about this book and right now I feel like I can't articulate a single one of them and if someone were to ask me, "So what do you think of Beloved?" I would say....I wouldn't even know what to say. In other news, I'm going to New York this weekend, with my sister in law, and I am more than excited. So much more. It's going to be awesome. Also, I think I know where I'm going to live this upcoming year. That is also awesome. And classes are starting soon and hopefully I will be quitting this job that I can't stand soon.....and, oh yes, it's time to go meet my friend. | | |
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